This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
