just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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