Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
last night I used snow as a chaser
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
