ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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