If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think people are normalizing furries
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
