If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
