After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
