..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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