So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
