she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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