dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
