I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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