my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My vagina is officially offended.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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