walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
