The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
