Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
