I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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