Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
