i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
