New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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