I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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