Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
