do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
