Non-Jews are for practice
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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