Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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