I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
