Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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