I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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