i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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