just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
