Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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