oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
