You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and she was petting her beer can
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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