so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
FUCK WHALES
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
