i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
