if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
