I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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