watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
3 2 1 whiskey
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
