You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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