Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
