I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
