I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
