how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
