I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
