my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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