I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
so much tequila, so little girl.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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