Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
