turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
