you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
