Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
40s are totally the cure
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
