i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
As shirtless as possible
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
