oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He shit in the fireplace
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
