I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
