i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
