I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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